Have you ever been so sad that you can’t cry? Is it shock? Or just that they are no more tears? I guess today the roller coaster begins.
I can’t be positive today. I don’t see the silver lining. My heart hurts so bad for my son.
I don’t know what “normal” is these days, but I want that. I want to be at a mommy and me class talking with other moms about cute things our babies are doing. I want to be toting him around in a cute carrier, or my new stroller, showing off his beautiful smile. I just want out of here. I don’t want another day in the hospital.
I was just thinking about how Nate let me hold Kaden, while he pushed me in a wheelchair the first time we left the hospital from Phoenix Childrens. Kaden was four weeks old. I didn’t need a wheelchair, but I had seen all the other moms leave like that with their babies after delivery… And then, my arms were empty. It wasn’t quite the same, but I still got to do it. I am so thankful for this moment. I have the best husband.
Kaden was extubated late this afternoon. He still needs additional support with a bi-pap machine because his breaths were short and shallow. He could be a new baby in 12 hours. He could need re-intubated. We think he just needs another night of rest. Hoping for the best …..